Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
