we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
