Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Randomize
