i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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