I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
