I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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