i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
