D3 body, D1 cock
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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