I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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