It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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