that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and she was petting her beer can
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
