It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
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it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
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I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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