those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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