Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
