I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
