He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
3pm strippers are depressing
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
