Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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