I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
