plz talk dirty to me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
