He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm both gender and math confused
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
