Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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