She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
