It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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