i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
