He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
