how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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