Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
