I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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