It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
