I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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