she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
