Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
