I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
