its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
