i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
