ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
