I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
