I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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