Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
