I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The Olympian is in my bed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
