i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
