he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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