a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
