When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize