I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
