im about as happy as oj after his trial
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
