I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
love makes seman taste better
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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