Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
