I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
