The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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