Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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