I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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