To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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