my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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