Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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