youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
