Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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