is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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