Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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