It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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