this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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