So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think people are normalizing furries
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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