How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
