I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
