you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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