He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
