I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
